By Dorothy Lafrinere
Matters of the heart are a true mystery to all involved. Inorder to
make a commitment to a relationship, it takes strength and trustin
another. When we trust our partner and we receive trust back, itis a
very nice feeling. One should never betray or play games withthat
trust. Those games usually get caught, and a broken trust willsurely
create a huge wall of communication breakdown. When you trulytrust
another, you are opening your heart and mind to an outsider. Youare
at this time very vulnerable for just about any kind ofemotional
attack. Confusion and misunderstandings are amongst thoseemotions
now.
This is why communication is so important. It is the key toopening
all those doors. Without it, the doors will remained locked andone
will have to work very hard to break through. It is much more
productive to just talk, listen, and understand your partner. Iam not
saying that this will be easy, but with love in your heart, itcan be
done. The end results will definitely be more lasting. For every
forced door, there will be a negative memory to try to bypass inthe
future. When doors are open with love, patience and respect,they will
have only good memories to savour and smile upon in the future.Those
are extremely important in tearing down those walls.
Communication is a very important act between two people. Iteven has
more importance than sex to keep a relationship buildingstronger. In
order to to communicate, it takes two willing and open minds. Ifone
mind is closed, all that will happen is the other will grow in
confusion and frustration.
Some of us worry about the ABC`s in life and others worry aboutthe
EF&G`s in life. Thats OK. It is what adds the color to our blackand
white life with each other. Yes it would be easier if we allworried
and thought about things equally. It would be less confusing.But only
for a short time. Soon enough our complacency with each otherwould
get "OLD". It would be as if we could read each others minds,but what
would be the point if we thought and worried the same.
A little bit of controversy is a much needed thing in arelationship.
It helps us to get to know another part of our partner and alsoour
own selves. When we open our hearts to another, only then willwe
offer this part of us. Until then it isn't necessary. One very
important thing about a person sharing their inner most fearsand
disappointments is never, ever, try to stifle that person orwalk away
in frustration. If someone is that open with you, embrace it andhear
them out. Never belittle their concerns as being immature or
nonsensical because you would never have those concerns.Remember the
ABC`s, we all think differently. Only then can you bothcommunicate,
otherwise you will add another block to the wall ofcommunication
breakdown.
When we are forced into silence, we begin to build walls. If weare
not allowed to voice our inner feelings or disappointments, wewill
quickly stop trying to communicate forever. Once the first brickhas
then been set, the foundation of the wall to communicationbreakdown
will rise up very fast. Trust me, there is not a singlerelationship
that does not carry or tear down a brick to the wall ofcommunication.
There are many levels of relationships. Some of us are put into
situations that take much courage to see past our hurts and
disappointments. Just remember what brought your relationshiptogether
in the beginning. Many times we will be forced to return to pageone
and start from there. With open minds and nonjudgmental heartswe can
get past many mistakes and problems that will arise in arelationship.
Another favorite, but not so good habit that we as humanscreate, is
to regurgitate things over and over again. I use the word
"regurgitate", because that's how I view having things beingtossed
back in your face. Have you ever noticed that another lovelyhabit
(NOT) that we as humans have is to only dig up the dirt when weare in
the heat of anger? We do this time and time again, because wealready
know that these things are a guaranteed hit. It is a very cheapand
bullish way to try to win a conversation. Is that not what most
communication breakdowns are? Conversation wars that end upshooting
old ammunition back and forth at one another? The problem thereis
that noone ever wins that battle. All that is really happeningis that
both parties have just taken an equal part in adding more blocksto
the wall of communication breakdown. Both sides lose.
Communication can only really work when neither party is being
selfish, meaning that if one person is feeling that they arebeing
attacked with every word that is coming their way, and it is allabout
hurting them. They have automatically closed an open doorwithout even
realizing it. Low self-esteem will surely make a person feelthis way.
Or if one partner gets carried away and will not stop to let theother
party absorb what was just said, this too is a typical selfishact.
That is why it is important that we take turns with each otherand try
to understand what is actually being said. If one partnermisunderstands, and you are aware of that, then you are
responsible to stop and work with them in a loving manner to getthem
to open that door. It is vital to not assume anything until theother
person has completely finished.
This is why the power of writing is so productive. One personwrites
his/her thoughts down, uninterrupted, without fear of beingderailed
from their thoughts and with the ability to just get it all oftheir
chest, so to speak. People pay big bucks to be told just this,so
listen up! If you find that your wall of communication breakdownis
starting to build, then this habit of writing letters to eachother is
a very good way to bypass the wall.
Always reread your letter before handing it over. That too helpsyou
to maybe erase a thought or two that was purely emotional whenwriting
it. We all know that old saying, "I did`t mean that, I was justupset
at the time". Well there's a hind site tip for all of usstruggling
with that d**n wall of communication breakdown.
Do you ever feel that you are so far under that wall, that youwill
never be able to communicate with your partner again and justwant to
run away? Before you run away, think about exactly what and whyyou
are running from. Are you running from a partner that could verywell
be the best thing that ever happened to you? Or are you in fact
running away from your own issues that you refuse to deal with?
Remember this, if it is your own demons that you fear, you willrun
forever. You will never be happy. You will always blame your
relationship or your partner for your downfalls. Running away isa cop
out. It is a true weakness in character. To stay and fight andtrust
that your partner will understand your troubles is a true signof
courage and one that will be greatly respected.
We all have our pasts. We must understand that yes, they didhappen
and that is what they are, past issues. To have your pastcontinue to
come between yourself and your partner is a bad thing. Whetherit is a
person or just an experience, it should be left in the past.This is
where good communication comes to the rescue yet again. When weare
made aware of certain issues in our partners pasts, it sometimesmakes
them easier to understand and deal with if they happen to comeabout
again. If we are left in the dark and we have to meet up with
another's past and it is not a very good experience, we will beweak
in defense and our ability to communicate positively will bealmost
non-existent.
Some people fear their partners pasts, viewing them as a threatto
their own relationship. This is normal and should be dealt with
through love and understanding. Again we must communicate witheach
other and not look down on anyone for their honesty and truefears.
That wall of communication breakdown will never completely comedown
if we skip a few blocks and ignore them, or handle them so wrongthat
they double in size. A good strong relationship will endure mostany
mistake made by humans as long as both partners are willing andhonest
with each other.
********************************************
"To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are alldifferent
in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as aguide
to our communication with others."
- Anthony Robbins
"Words are a wonderful form of communication, but they willnever
replace kisses and hugzzz"
-Dorothy
"Some think that love is all flowers and good times, but I thinkthat
love is more than just that. Love is the bad, as well as thebetter,
not lived alone, but a journey together. Something that only the
closest can share, with communication, respect,"
-Anonymou
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